The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden .
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars..
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him..
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Author Unknown

IN GOD WE TRUST

As I was driving to work yesterday, leaving my own neighborhood, there was a car in front of me with a car full of children, I imagine in route to school. As we both approached a stop sign, I noticed her Alabama tag. It said “IN GOD WE TRUST” but had a piece of black tape covering the word GOD!

Needless to say I was in shock!

First of all you have a choice here in Alabama to choose a tag that says IN GOD WE TRUST, or SWEET HOME ALABAMA, unless you order online. I wondered why they did not go and choose the tag they wanted since obvious to me, they did not believe "In God We Trust".

After getting over the initial shock, anger set in! I felt as if someone has insulted one of my dearest loved ones. I love Jesus! I felt this as disrespectful and insulting to our Lord.

Since the recent presidential election, this has been constantly in the news and has stirred a lot of mixed reactions in reference to religion and government, schools and the workplace and this great country in general.

How can we dismiss the fact that this country of ours was built and established by men and women of faith, determination, wisdom, and perseverance? The signers of the Declaration of Independence and our founding fathers depended on their faith in God to be successful. A majority of the writings of the founding fathers contain quotations from the Bible. ‘‘In God We Trust’’ has been the official motto of the United States since 1956. President John Kennedy said, “The guiding principle and prayer of this Nation has been, is now, and ever shall be ‘In God We Trust.’” In times of national challenge or tragedy, our nation has turned to God as our source for, protection, wisdom, strength, and direction.

On June 6, 1944 (the evening of D-Day) President Franklin D. Roosevelt, prayed “Help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice… As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.”

Even the oaths of office including the Presidency include the phrase, "So help me God." AS we have read in the Bible, Jesus said,” No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). I ask, how can anyone not believe in God?

Our children need to learn about God, the Bible, and the Ten Commandments
if we are going to preserve our Western culture. We must support marriage and the traditional family. We must speak up for responsible government and preserve our Bill of Rights and the sovereignty of our Nation if we are to enjoy our God-given rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We need to trust in God and live in harmony with our Creator if we are to receive his blessing.

We must turn to God and restore our trust in Him for the healing of America. Our country is in need of, and I pray to God everyday, ready for, a spiritual renewal. Did you know that the most common book found in American homes has always been and still is the Bible. Let’s keep it that way, but let's get it off the shelves and use it!

As quoted from the Bible, "Anyone who casts insults at God in their ignorance is more worthy of pity than contempt. Therefore, be patient with nonbelievers for they know not what they do." (Luke 23: 34).

YOUR CHOICE

Pray a little more
Sing a little more
Laugh a little more
Love a little more

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

"NOT ASHAMED"

I eagerly expect and hope
that I will in no way be ashamed,
but will have sufficient courage
so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body,
whether by life or by death.
Philippians 1:20

Romans 10:13

Romans 10:13, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

This verse says that any person, who will call upon the name of Jesus, the Lord, shall be saved. To call means simply means to pray and if you confess that “Jesus is Lord” and believe with all your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

However, this is should not be interpreted as your ticket to heaven.

We don’t call on the name of the Lord one time, we make it a habit that is repeated throughout the day through prayer, asking for forgiveness, thankfulness, showing we are a child of God by our behavior etc. this has to become a habit in your life and must be repeated over and over. It is being obedient to God. How can you call on the name of the Lord if you don’t have a relationship with the Lord? How can you believe in someone you have never heard about? This is the reason, as believers, we are called to be disciples for Christ.

Paul was pressing toward that which Christ had called him, and until we have attained that for which Christ has called us, we must continue on with the journey in order to please our Lord.

Writing project provided by FAITHFULBLOGGERS.COM

YOU SAY, GOD SAYS

You say: "It's impossible."

God says: All things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired."

God says: I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me."

God says: I love you. (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

You say: "I can't go on."

God says: My grace is sufficient. (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out."

God says: I will direct your steps. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it."

God says: You can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able."

God says: I am able. (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it."

God says: It will be worth it. (Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself."

God says: I FORGIVE YOU. (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage."

God says: I will supply all your needs. (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid."

God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated."

You say: "I don't have enough faith."

God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough."

God says: I give you wisdom. (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone."

God says: I will never leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

Amazima Ministries International

COPIED FROM THE BLOG OF A SWEET FRIEND KATIE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE AND DONATE TO THIS WONDERFUL CAUSE, PLEASE CLICK THE PICTURE TO THE RIGHT ON MY PAGE.

I come to you humbly asking for prayer. Especially for my three oldest daughters, and for wisdom for me! All mommas know it: teenagers are hard. Three teenage girls are harder. Three teenage girls from different tribes and cultures and pasts trying to live together in one bedroom are harder still. In an effort to be real, I want to tell you. Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also HARD and painful. Adoption of older children is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the GOSPEL in my living room. And some times, it just stinks. As a parent, it stinks to not know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in Kindergarten. It stinks not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from. It stinks to know that for ten years of her precious life you were NOT the shoulder she cried on or the Mommy she hugged. As a child, it stinks to remember your biological parents’ death, not matter how much you love your new Mom. It stinks to have your mom be a different color than you because, inevitably, people are going to ask why. It stinks that your Mom wasn’t there for all the times you had no dinner and all the times you were sick and all the times you needed help with your homework. It stinks when you have to make up your birthday. It skinks when you can’t understand the concept of being a family forever because your first family wasn’t forever. And every single day, it is worth it. Because ADOPTION IS GOD’S HEART. He sets the lonely in families. Adoption is the reason that I can come before God’s throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. My family, adopting these children, it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day, it is not what I am doing to “help these poor kids out.” I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because to whom much has been given, much will be demanded. I adopt because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for HIS sake will find it. Some days, my friends, it is not easy. Today, it is not easy. The HURT in my daughters’ hearts is big and real and as their mother, I want to fix it and know that I CAN’T. So I lay it at the feet of my Father and rejoice to know that if we are children, then we are heirs - of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings - in order that we may also share in His glory. And I call out to the Holy Spirit knowing that He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for us. A sweet friend pointed me yesterday to Genesis Chapter 33. Esau and Jacob are meeting for the first time in a long time. As Jacob approaches Esau, with his many children following close behind, Esau asks, “ And who are these with you?” Jacob’s reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.” We get all the questions. “Why do you do it?” “Why so many?” “How in the world…” “Why these specific girls?” “Why the number 14?” “Do you think its ok to adopt as a single Mother? Don’t they need a father too?” “Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race?” We also get the compliments. “I don’t know how you do it!” “Good job!” “You must be so responsible!” “Your girls must be so well behaved.” We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between. Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of God’s love and redemption lived out in our lives. So I ask for your prayers. Prayers for understanding and peace and trust and the power of God that is more than all I can ask or imagine. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”

IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

WOMEN......

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up against injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without new shoes so their children can have them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all SIZES, in all colors and shapes.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.


FURTHERMORE...

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like a complete idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.

~Robin~

WAITING ON GOD

When the going gets tough, we are all tempted to take things in to our own hands. We feel like God is not in control or that God has forgotten us. Waiting on God is not easy. God does not want us to take things in our own hands but to pray and ask for his guidance. We have read in the Bible that He promises great things in our lives, but, we must remember he never promised the cross would not get heavy. We know we have a load to bear. As we go through these times of hardship, our character is being worked on. This is difficult to remember and we begin to doubt God.

If you can, look at it as joy when you go through trails and temptations for in doing so, your faith is being strengthened. Do not despair in your wait on God for he is there to take you through the hard times. God is everlasing and if you are like me, He has delivered me from hard times in the past,and I know from experience that if I continue to trust him he will do it for me again and again. We must remember to not focus on the immediate pain but let your eyes focus on the glory to come after you overcome the trials. Nothing lasts forever, not even your pain and suffering.

As you wait on God, focus more on worshipping him, reading scripture, praying, and thanking him for his goodness and mercies upon your life. If you continue to do these things, you can be assured you will not be left in the wilderness like the Israelites, wondering around. He is a good God and never changes. He is the same today and always. Psalms 27:14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord! NKJV

EMBRACING YOUR SECOND CALLING

When I saw the book offered on Booksneeze as an option for me to review, I knew right away this was the book for me. Completely without hesitation, I recommend Embracing Your Second Calling: Find Passion and Purpose for the Rest of Your Life by Dale Hanson Bourke to any woman that is entering or in their second phase of their life. By second phase, I refer to women 50 and older.

Dale Bourke summarizes the second phase of life by saying, "God wants us to spend the second halves of our lives worrying less about what we do and more about who we become....He (God) is calling us to step up to the challenge and to leave the past behind." "This is about heart work. God is calling you to build spiritual muscles, to develop a resume of solid work, to find peace and joy like you have never known. God wants to take you on an adventure unlike anything you have ever dreamed.”


The first phase of a woman's life is usually filled with a career or raising children, but the second phase of life can be just as exciting and fulfilling as we discover new purpose and passion for the things that God has now called us to. The author challenges women to take what they have learned and what we have done in past and use it to minister to others. The second phase of a woman's life should be a time of listening to God and becoming the women He has created you to be.

I found this to be a very inspirational story, an easy read and as I am already in the process of examining the second phase of my life, I book full of “just what I wanted to hear”!

The author encourages you to use this book as a study tool and take time to journal and study the Scriptures while reading and searching. She uses Ruth & Naomi of the Old Testament as a parallel example with her own life and the need to find their place in this new phase.

Again, this book needs to be read by women who are in the “second phase of life”, trying to come to terms with where we've been - and where we're going in the short time we have on this earth.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

GOD'S ROSEBUD

A new minister was walking with an older,
more seasoned minister in the garden one day.
Feeling a bit insecure about what God
had for him to do,he was asking the older preacher
for some advice.
The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals.
The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of God for his life and ministry.
But because of his great respect for the older preacher,
he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact.
It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do.
Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it,
the older preacher began to recite the following poem...

"It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine."
"The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so easily,
But in my hands they die."

"If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?"

"So I'll trust in God for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to God for guidance
In each step of the way."
"The path that lies before me,
Only my Lord knows.
I'll trust God to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUSBAND, I LOVE YOU!

I love you
• because of your love for God.
• because of your concern and love of others people.
• because of your support for my ministry.
• because you take our relationship seriously.
• because you are so very handsome.
• because you can still enjoy the simple things of life
• because you’re a great father to your kids.
• because you’re a fantastic grandfather too!
• because you’re a hard worker!
• because your eyes are sincere and full of compassion for others.
• because you are willing to converse with me about anything.
• because you enjoy being and looking “classy”.
• because you share in the housework, laundry and cooking!
• because you’re committed to our family being godly.
• because having the newest and best of things is not important you.
• because you help make me better by being near you!
• because you still take my breath away.
• because you want all our children to become all God has designed them to be.
• because you’re interested in our health and well-being.
• because you always care about doing what’s right.
• because it’s OK with you that I sometimes like to tell you what to do!
• because we pray together every night.
• because you will talk about things that are important to me,
even if they’re not as important to you.

I love you ..... because you are you!

"God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you!"

Happy Birthday Perry! I love you!

She Speaks, She Writes, She Leads, and She Eats!

I have just returned home from attending the best training experience in my life, all centered around Jesus Christ! I have never been around 600+ sweet women that were all there for the same goal, to minister the word of Jesus Christ to others! It was not a competition of who wrote the best, whose speech was the best, who dressed the best, who was the prettiest, etc. No, not your typical women’s get-together!! We laughed together, we cried together, we prayed together. I met (in person) girls I had prayed for, chatted with, followed their blogs, and girls that followed mine! Now, that blew me away when I just happened to sit next to my friend Shelly. I had no clue! I just took a seat! Shelly had MY name in her notebook! She prays for me and follows MY Blog! She assured me that I ministered to her on a regular basis! WOW! No doubt God was there when I took that seat in that classroom!

God blessed us with Proverbs 31 leaders that “walk the talk” and laid their personal life out on the table for us to see. Yes, “the good, the bad, and the ugly” of pursuing our dream! Thank you P31 for this opportunity.

When you registered for the conference, you chose what sessions you wished to attend. I chose a variety of speakers, writers, and leadership sessions because “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”! These wonderful women shared with us their expertise on topics varying from delivering the best speech, writing the best book, being the greatest leader in women’s ministry along with personal messages on how to balance your life between your families and your ministry. We even learned what colors we should wear to look our best in “Fashion Meets Faith” from Shari!

As I drove home, I thought about all the information and knowledge I had obtained (we called it “information overload” at the conference) and tried to think of one word, one sentence, one paragraph that could summarize the event. The words that kept coming through my mind were priceless, overwhelming, gratitude, hope, exceeded all expectations, rejoicing, He reigns, and I could go on and on.

I did learn that God is not finished with me yet! I have a passion to fulfill and one day it will happen. I will not forget He has a plan designed just for me and I will be patient for Him to show me the way, in His time. If I’m called to speak, it will be His words and I will be the vessel for the Holy Spirit. My passion and my desire is a ministry relating to children poverty and I know one day my dream will come true. In the meantime, I’ll remember from Lysa Terkurst “Reaction determines our reach”, and to guard my heart, my house, my life – Satan, “you shall not pass”. I will also keep going because “God ask me to”. How can I say no? From MaryBeth I learned to “not rush the process”. From Suzi I learned to create human interaction, and from Micca I learned that I will “trip and fall when I take my eyes off Jesus” and to dream “God size” dreams!

All I really want to be is a light that shines for Jesus.